Hetaera

by Lapsed Catholics

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about

Recorded over November and December 2018.

Lapsed Catholics are:
Matilde Park (vocals, guitar)
Phil Witmer (guitar, bass, keys)

credits

released December 14, 2018

All composition, performance, and production by Lapsed Catholics.

Artwork designed by our friend Violet:
goodbye.computer

Special thanks to Anthony Bellew, Jordaan Mason, Sarah Mancuso, Marilyn Roxie and amphetamine tōkyo.

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all rights reserved

tags

about

Lapsed Catholics Toronto, Ontario

Love, loss, sexual reassignment, exiled philosopher kings, incestuous corporate structures, other forms of anastrophe.

contact / help

Contact Lapsed Catholics

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Track Name: Tomorrow's Pier
Tell me, tell me that
You’re not gonna end it this way
Tell me, tell me
is your service still in high demand

Bent into another man
Silent on the windowsill
Planting on your inside hill
Another patch of dry land

Reach in with just your hand
to find another dollar spare
Maybe you’ll go back on cam
For one more day on dry land

So tell me, tell me do
you still shoplift groceries?
and tell me, does he know
you’re taking his car keys?
Tell me, tell me,
do you think you’ll go to Detroit next?
And tell me, tell me, do you
Think your life’s gone just as planned

Bent into another man
Silent on the windowsill
Planting on the inside hill
Another patch of dry land

Stumble into marriage again
Tie yourself up on the bed
You can sell yourself as my new wife
For one more day on dry land

Please tell me, tell me
Won’t I see you one last time?
Tell me, tell me
why can’t I save your life?
Tell me, tell me,
is there a home I’d help you mend?
Oh, tell me, does he
know that the walls are closing in?

Bent into another man
Silent on the windowsill
Planting on the inside hill
Another patch of dry land

Look in the abyss for friends
Find another name for life
A tattoo across your inside thigh
is just the salt for the banquet

Tell me…
The last, the last members of our line
will die without a gasp of breath about our times
Track Name: In the Realm of the Senses
Wandering in the sun too long,
you think you’ve become a daughter
I’m a shepherdess with the sweetest face
my flaccid lambs for the slaughter

With my face in your thighs
I’m Sada Abe and I’ve got a surprise
You’re my star arboreal,
In my garden memorial,
a candle for my friend,
Let's light a vigil before on the mend

Have you no sense to try?
Yes, you wanted it, but wanted it why?
Ibuprofen can help
sing your hymen to health

And why shouldn’t you blush?
The doc thinks you’re a loony who rushed.
The candles don’t cry, they love in the ice, their sisterhood blood,
They’re the butterflies who cut their cocoons open by themselves

It’s not so bad, now you’re looking back
You’re not just a gay boy, you’re a fag with a lack
And here in my bag, I treasure it most
A replica model of my very first host
Track Name: Precognition
We met three years ago last Thursday,
oh, right to the day
Taking long drives to school
It’s a lifetime away

And how much can one take,
before the knot comes down?
I see your reflexive smile
The clothes in the pile,
the unborn child

It’s breached protocol
you know how it goes
There’s nothing to see here

But I’m alone in my car
I’m parked in the lot
no will to disappear

Anything just to stay here

And how much can one take?
This is the start of the breakdown
A spiral formed from a smile,
the sigh of your style,
and it’s just not worthwhile

You’ve got too much left at stake,
but there’s an ocean you can’t drown
Maybe it’s just your lifestyle
Your body’s defiled,
so you won’t reconcile

I’m not a fool,
I’m not afraid,
I’m not alone
I'm not confused, and I’m not embarrassed,
It’s what I’m not,
I never was anything, anything I am
Track Name: Simon Shambles Home
About this time it was December 2nd, just before the holiday rush, and Simon just lost his job. It’s not his fault. HMV was a bad idea anyway, you have to predict which industries are going to shutter, and since you’re the first one to go, it can’t really be helped. But what was left?

He guessed he could try the white collar scene again. He did have a degree, in Philosophy, from five years ago, and everyone else he knew was in professional caffeination or checkout stewardship. But he could try.

He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t even scared. He was just annoyed, annoyed at himself. He’s done better than this. He isn’t a professional unicorn anymore, there’s no need for his “best of both worlds” physique for the couples of Parkdale these days. And besides, that market had crashed.

That man on the bus, what was he looking at? Did he look particularly young today? Was it the usual, did this old guy think he was Doogie Howser on his way to the next appointment? What was Sebastian going to say when he got back? Would he worry? Would he have to reassure him, and say, “Everything’s going to be alright,” and calm him down before trying to get his life together by himself?

It doesn’t matter. It’s too damn cold already, and besides, he’s here.
Track Name: Noumenon
I’m writing with my left hand.
Haven’t written you for weeks.
There’s no more use for words these days
Emotions have enough critique
And when the squad comes right back for me
You know just what I’ll say?

This noumenon can’t call it a day
Get the girl to call it a day
There’s no noumenon to call it a day
So get the girl to call it a day

It’s not a case of bad faith
I know I’m still incomplete
I just have no way to essay
This existential defeat
So I meander Jacob’s ladder
Since you’re the only one who matters

Phenomenon won’t call it a day
Cast him out and call it a day
Come martyr me and call it a day
So get the girl to call it a day

But when she found me,
She found no light.
She saw there’s nothing left inside.
How could you teach me how not to cry,
when you knew that’s how I’d die?
Just how bad I am at lying?

No noumenon, he’s called it a day.
Get the girl and call it a day
Take her home to me
and call it a day
Get the girl and call it a day
Yeah, I’m phenomenon…
Track Name: For Alter
In the interest of belief,
In the interest of the will on the wall,
crossing the threshold of what’s
yours and what’s mine,

I know there’s not much left to say,
I know there’s not much left to do,
but you’re still you.

I’ve been chasing you round the sun and back,
and the devil’s been handing
out my true name letters, but I know better,
he only has my nickname…

Have you seen my healthy hymen?
The boys down in High Park, stroking their ladder
to the concept of my reflection…
We all want a look these days.

But your voice is yours,
there is no one on earth who sounds quite like you!
Your body has sound, your face has timbre,
but your eyes apologise...

Such strong footsteps, but graceful gait...
There’s nothing in life that relates.
But please stop playing, but please stop playing,
please can we stop this song today.

Call it a sense, or a sociopath.
Call it a lover that you won’t get back.
Call it a priest, or call it a woman,
Just don’t call it my name.

There is nothing to try to be.
I know you are, but you’re more than you want to be.
So bargain with satyrs, make nineteen stab wounds,
in the end, it’s nothing more than sound.

But your voice is yours,
there is no one on earth who sounds quite like you!
Your body has sound, your face has timbre,
but your eyes apologise...

Such strong footsteps, but graceful gait...
There’s nothing in life that relates.
But please stop playing, but please stop playing,
please can we stop this song today.
Track Name: Lil Moo Cows
I know there’s a time and place for everything,
but if you don’t know how to live right now,
you won’t have anything, I know.
You were a good kid with a dream
and a plan.

But you’re stuck here playing Smash.

Yeah that’s fine,
you’re twenty-nine
but I fell for you at twenty-two.
And you keep setting free,
all these thoughts of me
in the corners of your head,
I’m walking around with a pair of scissors in my nightgown.
That dream still scares you, right?
To wake up at night and think of me?

You must be pretty lonely.

Well it’s hard to begin,
when you’ve lived life again.
Well it’s true,
if it would help you,
I once, and I do, love you.

I remember when we’d ride our bikes
with nowhere to go, in the middle of night
Maybe we’d find a cafe
That was all we needed, all we needed to try

You’d bring your umbrella,
it caught the wind, and you looked so upset
but I laughed, the charm of you thrusting,
your grimace, as gusts of wind blew you back, well alright

Do you think that I’d never seen,
or told no one your wildest dreams?
My dad still asks about you,
he hopes that you’re okay, too.

It’s hard to begin when
you’ve lived life again
yeah, four names and six places can get tiring
but I’ve loved you so long
please try to belong
I may not be here, but you still aren’t gone

I wonder about how you’ve been since then
You wonder about me too, well, I bet
I never was good at these classes,
I would take all your notes, but we live in new towns now…

You were going to be a lawyer,
or was it a writer? Or was it a fireman?
Well, I knew that you’d do what you needed to,
I know you’d believe in you.

Do you think you’ll call me this time?
Do you think you’ll try to reconnect our lines?
I know it’s a bad time, I know it’s
been far too long … far too long, so alone.

It’s hard to begin when
you’ve lived life again
yeah, four names and six places can get tiring
but I’ve loved you so long
please try to belong
I may not be here, but you still aren’t gone

“Have you taken up sewing?”
“Have you tried doing yoga?”
“Have you made any friends?”
Will you see another human again?

Now another one is in this house
Another psychology you can’t live without
And when it’s gone, it’s gone
You can’t remember what you were when alone

No one’s seen you around for days
I can’t help but feel that I’ve been replaced
by the thought of what I am to you,
tending the wounded parts of you

So let go, oh let go!
Just let fade me away…

Do you still shoplift groceries?
Have you no sense to try?
Maybe it’s just your lifestyle
It’s not a case of bad faith
I know there's not much left to say
Just let me fade away

Just let me fade away

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